3rd Writing Assignment

Writing Exercises

§ Write two or three paragraphs about an intense time in your family: an illness, accident, or death; a relocation, a divorce, a time of great discovery (doesn’t have to be a negative experience). Write this as you remember it.

This past month, September 17, to be exact my brother-in-law passed away in Virginia Beach, VA.  We have sacrificed to make the trip up to see him several times before this fateful day; we being my husband, his sister and his brother and myself.  My husband comes from a family of seven and while three have already passed on; he has lost one brother eleven years ago, a niece, brother-in-law and sister-in law in the last five or six years I did not want him to feel as if he didn’t do everything he could to visit this brother who lived out of state.   When my brother-in-laws’s wife called to say the home health nursing care they had was recommending calling in hospice; we left the very next day to be there, show our support for her, and let him know he was loved. 

The two and half hour ride up was a bonding time for these remaining family members.  While one brother is recovering from a stroke earlier this year and admittedly is not the same person they grew up with, there was no thought of not including him on these trips north.  Stories were shared from their growing up years, their own families as they married and had children of their own, their difficulties of losing their spouses and parents. The return trip allowed us the time to reminisce about those who had already passed over and how they could best help this brother’s family go through these last days together without regret or anger taking over.  Memories, thoughts, troubles were shared but sometimes the silence was accepted without tension as each was lost in their own thoughts over the impending death of another family member.   

Friday, September 20, 2013 dawned bright, warm and rushed.  Eleven family members gathered at the sister’s house to travel north together to the funeral of the eldest son.  One car carried the remain living children of John Thurman and Fronnie Mae Hardison, another car carried the spouse and children of Donnie Hardison, a brother who passed on already, and the last car carried the children and their spouses of one of the remaining brothers, Danny Ray Hardison.    The time spent driving north this time was filled with talk of how is she (the newly widowed sister-in-law) doing, how are his children handling losing their father, and words of appreciation were spoken for the previous trips up they had taken together.   Knowing the day was going to be hard for it is never easy to lose a loved one no matter the distance in miles or time, these three gathered strength from each other.  The decision was made on the way up to take a back seat to the children of their brother for their hurt would take longer to heal; after all they had spent time with their brother and had been able to say everything they wanted to say on the earlier trips up to see him. 

Now, write about that same intense time—only try to write it from the perspective of another family member—a parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc.

I have been sick for a long time now, or at least it seems like a long time to me.  I was lucky in that I had time to prepare for I was able to look Death in the eye and know it was coming.  Eleven years ago I watched my brother die from cancer.  Death for him was quick and took him in a matter of months.  My daughter’s fight was longer.  I lost her to a drug overdose recently and as much as I wanted to be there in the end for her, I couldn’t.  Physically, I just couldn’t do it, my body was already weak and I admit I was too afraid to face Death that close up.   I know others think I failed her but they just don’t know everything.  That story will only be finished when I stand with her before God.  Now my brother, he knew how to do this dying thing right.   When he was told Death was coming for him, he went out and made all his arrangements.  I am trying to follow in his footsteps and do the same thing.  I have spent time making sure everything is taken care of, that I am taken care of the way I want it to be.  This way there can be no fighting over how it happens as It will happen my way.  It, Death that one thing I cannot control in my life.  I have tried so hard over the years, started several businesses, lost several businesses.  I never gave up; I would pick myself up and start all over again.  I was taught if you worked hard enough you could have everything you wanted.  I might not have had everything I wanted but I sure gave it a good try and I think I made a good life for me and Bev and the kids. 

I set up home health care so as my time gets shorter, I have help.  I do not want to go to the hospital; I wasn’t born in one and I sure as hell don’t want to die in one.  My brother, Donnie, and my brother-in-law, Charlie, died at home and I want to die at home too.   Besides in the hospital they just drug you up so you don’t know what is going on day in and day out.  I want to see the sun come up and go down.  If I want to set up and watch TV all night and eat fried chicken then I don’t want some doctor telling me I what I can or cannot do.  Who in the hell do they think they are anyway, I’m the one paying them to take care of me.  This time has been an unexpected gift I am not use to having.   Sun comes up has always meant time to get up and get to work.  This quiet time with my wife has allowed us to talk everything out; all the what ifs, could have been, should have been, we have brought them all out in the open and made our peace with them.  Wish I could do the same with the kids.  Oh they come and visit but I cannot bring myself to tell them about the regrets in my life.  Or the times I am sorry.  I don’t know if I would have changed anything about my life.  There are things I wished ended differently but I don’t think I would have done them any differently even if I knew . 

Bev tells me the nurse says it is time to call hospice in.  Hospice, well I guess that means my time is getting closer to the end.  Always knew I would lose in the end just didn’t think it would happen this soon.  I know I am dying now; my sister and brothers have walked in.  They live down home where I was born and raised and couldn’t wait to get away from.   I use to say the only way I would go back home was when I died and was buried there; hope they don’t mind that Bev and I decided on something different. 

*           *           *

It was good to see my family today.  They even took a picture, probably the last picture that will ever be taken of the four of us and we are holding hands.  We haven’t done that since we were…well I don’t know if we ever did that.  When you see that picture you will know what I think of this whole dying business.  

2nd Writing Assignment

Writing Exercises
§ Finish this sentence: “The last time I felt a truly intense emotion was [blank], and this is what I felt . . ."

Prayer

Jesus, you lived a human life and felt every emotion there is to feel. Help me receive my emotions as what they are—indicators of what’s happening inside me and keys to important memories and truths. When I try to escape my feelings, remind me that they are gifts, and help me stay in the moment.  AMEN

The last time I felt a truly intense emotion was standing outside of my church after having driven a group back  from a diocesan Chrism Mass and the feeling I had was of intense surrender to the fact that our pastoral administrator , a friend for over 14 years was leaving.  I was the driver of the church van and as we usually do we were singing on the way back from Raleigh to our home parish in Williamston.  We had been facing our pastoral administrator’s pending departure for over four years and it finally hit home.  This was the last time I would sing with her.  Now before you laugh, you need to know I have been told I cannot sing and have even been asked to move to the other side of the church by a person in our church that had a beautiful soprano voice.  She told me I made her sing off key and needed to move away from where she sat.  I moved and no longer sang. 

In the years of driving back and forth to meetings and the fact that our pastoral administrator loved to sing; as she use to say she who sings prays twice, I started to sing softly when she lead us during these trips.  It didn’t seem to matter if I sang off key.  I had regained enough confidence that I would sing the echo parts to some of our favorite songs, Our Father and the Gentle Women.  In the van we sang a cappella so I was getting pretty brave and was even heard to raise my voice to answer back her echoes in the songs when we sang them in church. 

This day, however, we had spent the day together and it had been a long day.  We were almost back to the church and we were singing Gentle Woman when tears welled up and my voice cracked.  When we arrived at the church, I hurried about getting everything unpacked from the van, put away what needed to be put up inside, and then said good bye to those I had spent the day with.  It was just my pastoral administrator (Sister Kieran) and I standing there as the others drove away.  The feeling that welled up and overflowed was of such loss.  I knew I would never sing with her again like we had on the way home that day.  I gave her a hug and said it has just hit me; you really are leaving this time.   

Two years ago, she had talked about leaving but for whatever reason God saw fit to rearrange those plans.  When she talked to us about staying for two more years, I had shrugged and said okay.  She asked me later about my reaction to the news of her staying.  I had just felt she wasn’t going anywhere then; there was nothing to think about her going or staying as she wasn’t going.  I never felt as much as she talked about it, planned it, and tried to prepare us for it, that it was going to happen.  Was I not allowing myself to think about it or was God telling me not to stress over it because it wasn't the right time yet, I don’t know.  The talk of it just never affected me one way or another; however that day, on the way home, in the middle of the song Gentle Women, I knew she was going.  

There was still time before she left, it was a few months away but there would never be another Chrism Mass together.  That part of our journey was over.  

1st Writing Assignment

Writing Exercises

• Describe an event that happened in your family—better to focus on something small that happened in a short time frame. But here’s the catch: write about that event only in terms of the colors, or the sounds, or the smells, or the textures . . . you get the idea. Choose one physical sense and focus on it to tell this little story.

Sunday I watched my son clean his outside club house/van/room on a sun filled fall afternoon and was amazed at the number of friends he was able to enlist in his efforts.  Not being part of the group doing the cleaning, I was able to sit back and watch the blue of the sky disappearing in and out of the different levels of fluffy white clouds.  The sunbeams varying in different shades of yellow streamed through any openings in the clouds enveloping with warm colors first this person and then another as they continued cleaning inside and out.   The sound of voices talking about what to bring out next, where do you want it, keep it or trash it would draw my attention back down to the green rolling carpet of the backyard being covered with furniture, rugs, and other household items. 

Soon the smell of the trash bags over came the natural earthy smell of freshly turned peanuts in the surrounding fields.  Now I understood the urgency of this cleaning.  The smells coming from the bags were strong and overpowering.  While trying not to interfere or say anything derogatory about the strong odor, I tried to figure out what could have caused this stench.  My son works hard but comes in to shower frequently so it could not be that.  Can’t be from his work clothes or even his shoes as he brings clothes in to be washed each week and air his shoes out each night.  Even week old gym clothes wouldn’t smell this bad. 

Then as if in answer to my question out came tumbling three multi brown, white and black four legged blurs tumbling over each other and everyone’s feet.  Shoe strings and pant legs were being pulled on, voices raised in laughter as others tripped over these chubby little balls of fur just begging to be picked up, cuddled and loved on.

When my son and his friends noticed me next I was sitting back down in my chair after having put a sign in our front yard that read:  FREE PUPPIES.

• Drink a beverage you don’t usually drink: if you’re not a coffee drinker, try a cup, just a few sips. Or, if you haven’t had lemonade in years, have some now. Notice any associations you make with the flavor; follow your thoughts and emotions as you allow the flavor to linger. Write whatever comes to mind.

I came in from a community outdoor concert and was chilled to the bone. Wanting to warm up quickly, I decided it was time for the first cup of hot chocolate of the year.  I put the kettle on to warm the water and went to change clothes while thinking how good this was going to be, rich milk chocolate with little marshmallows.   When I want to pamper myself, I take out my favorite blue rose china cup and saucer.  My mother and I bought this set of china to put in my hope chest many years ago when I was still in high school.  I don’t like to think of how many years ago and since I keep the china put up for special occasions it doesn’t get much use; except on days like today when I want to pamper myself.  Some days I use it for hot tea but today it will be hot milk chocolate with the little tiny marshmallows that float on the top and melt in your mouth as you sip that warm relaxing light brown concoction of chocolate.  I can hardly wait to hear the tea pot whistle as I brush my hair and remember back to when I use to get a mug of hot chocolate when I would come back from having played outside in the snow as a child.  Snow forts, snowball fights, snowmen building would have taken up the day until it was just too cold outside to continue playing and then I would come inside to that hot, steam rising, melted marshmallows piled high, cup of hot chocolate.  I don’t live in a part of the country where we get all that snow now but the memories are still strong of those childhood days.  Wait, what do I hear, got to go the tea pot and hot chocolate are calling me.

• Make a short list of people who have been significant in your life. Now meditate on each person, and choose a scent that you believe fits that person. It doesn’t have to make rational sense; this has more to do with your intuitive and emotional knowledge.

Mom- Charlie perfume

Grandma Kasper - baking bread

Mrs. Walker - roses

Mary Hugh - wet earth 

Kieran - cleaners

Richard Daugherty - burgundy wine

Prayer

Creator of the universe—and creator of me—please wake up my senses so that I can experience life on this planet more fully and vividly.

Writing Retreat from Days of Deepening Friendship

"From Women Growing Wiser" is the way Vinita Hampton Wright begins her video discussing her writing retreat in honor of her new book coming out. I have decided to take part in her On-line Writing Retreat. Feel free to join me if you please. The links to her blog "Days of Deepening Friendship" and the assignments are on the right side here under the My Blog List caption.


First assignment: Explain in one sentence how writing helps you.


Writing helps me to look at myself more critically but at the same time helps me to see the person God is helping me grow into.

May We All Know Peace

Dear Sisters, Associates, and Friends,

As we enter into remembrance and renewal today, September 11, we offer
this prayer poem created by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat on the
afternoon of September 11, 2001. Let us remember all those who met
death today, all those whose lives were in any way impacted, all those
who continue to grieve, all those who performed acts of increible
bravery. Let us remember also the many throughout our world who live
with this level of violence and struggle to be people of peace each and
every day. May our remembering, our praying, and our living lead us to
a new world where all are welcome. May we all know peace.

Peace,
Chris

Chris Koellhoffer, IHM
Councilor for Spiritual Development
IHM Center


Rest in Peace:
September 11, 2001


By Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat

I am a World Trade Center tower, standing tall in the clear blue sky,
feeling a violent blow in my side, and
I am a towering inferno of pain and suffering imploding upon myself and
collapsing to the ground.
May I rest in peace.

I am a terrified passenger on a hijacked airplane not knowing where we
are going or that I am riding on fuel tanks that will be instruments of
death, and
I am a worker arriving at my office not knowing that in just a moment my
future will be obliterated.
May I rest in peace.

I am a pigeon in the plaza between the two towers eating crumbs from
someone's breakfast when fire rains down on me from the skies, and
I am a bed of flowers admired daily by thousands of tourists now buried
under five stories of rubble.
May I rest in peace.

I am a firefighter sent into dark corridors of smoke and debris on a
mission of mercy only to have it collapse around me, and
I am a rescue worker risking my life to save lives who is very aware
that I may not make it out alive.
May I rest in peace.

I am a survivor who has fled down the stairs and out of the building to
safety who knows that nothing will ever be the same in my soul again,
and
I am a doctor in a hospital treating patients burned from head to toe
who knows that these horrible images will remain in my mind forever.
May I know peace.

I am a tourist in Times Square looking up at the giant TV screens
thinking I'm seeing a disaster movie as I watch the Twin Towers crash to
the ground, and
I am a New York woman sending e-mails to friends and family letting them
know that I am safe.
May I know peace.

I am a piece of paper that was on someone's desk this morning and now
I'm debris scattered by the wind across lower Manhattan, and
I am a stone in the graveyard at Trinity Church covered with soot from
the buildings that once stood proudly above me, death meeting death.
May I rest in peace.

I am a dog sniffing in the rubble for signs of life, doing my best to be
of service, and
I am a blood donor waiting in line to make a simple but very needed
contribution for the victims.
May I know peace.

I am a resident in an apartment in downtown New York who has been forced
to evacuate my home, and
I am a resident in an apartment uptown who has walked 100 blocks home in
a stream of other refugees.
May I know peace.

I am a family member who has just learned that someone I love has died,
and
I am a pastor who must comfort someone who has suffered a heart-breaking
loss.
May I know peace.

I am a loyal American who feels violated and vows to stand behind any
military action it takes to wipe terrorists off the face of the earth,
and
I am a loyal American who feels violated and worries that people who
look and sound like me are all going to be blamed for this tragedy.
May I know peace.

I am a frightened city dweller who wonders whether I'll ever feel safe
in a skyscraper again, and
I am a pilot who wonders whether there will ever be a way to make the
skies truly safe.
May I know peace.

I am the owner of a small store with five employees that has been put
out of business by this tragedy, and
I am an executive in a multinational corporation who is concerned about
the cost of doing business in a terrorized world.
May I know peace.

I am a visitor to New York City who purchases postcards of the World
Trade Center Twin Towers that are no more, and
I am a television reporter trying to put into words the terrible things
I have seen.
May I know peace.

I am a boy in New Jersey waiting for a father who will never come home,
and
I am a boy in a faraway country rejoicing in the streets of my village
because someone has hurt the hated Americans.
May I know peace.
I am a general talking into the microphones about how we must stop the
terrorist cowards who have perpetrated this heinous crime, and
I am an intelligence officer trying to discern how such a thing could
have happened on American soil, and
I am a city official trying to find ways to alleviate the suffering of
my people.
May I know peace.

I am a terrorist whose hatred for America knows no limit and I am
willing to die to prove it, and
I am a terrorist sympathizer standing with all the enemies of American
capitalism and imperialism, and
I am a master strategist for a terrorist group who planned this
abomination.
My heart is not yet capable of openness, tolerance, and loving.
May I know peace.

I am a citizen of the world glued to my television set, fighting back my
rage and despair at these horrible events, and
I am a person of faith struggling to forgive the unforgivable, praying
for the consolation of those who have lost loved ones, calling upon the
merciful beneficence of God/Lord/Allah/Spirit/Higher Power.
May I know peace.

I am a child of God who believes that we are all children of God and we
are all part of one another.
May we all know peace.

We have lost a great Man and Friend

Bishop emeritus F. Joseph Gossman, the fourth bishop of the Raleigh Diocese, died August 12, 2013, at the age of 83, following a long illness. Bishop Gossman served as Bishop of Raleigh from May 19, 1975, until June 8, 2006, when Pope John Paul II accepted his retirement due to age. He was appointed Bishop of Raleigh at the age of 45 by Pope Paul VI on April 8, 1975, succeeding Bishop Vincent S. Waters, who died December 1974.

During his 31 years as shepherd of the Raleigh Diocese, Bishop Gossman faced the challenge of extensive growth of the Catholic population of the Diocese, which comprises the 54 eastern-most counties of North Carolina. At the time of his appointment, Catholics numbered approximately one percent of the statewide population. At the time of his retirement, the registered Catholic population in the Diocese of Raleigh was 192,000, with an additional 200,000 Hispanics residing in the Diocese, many of whom were Catholic.

During his tenure, Bishop Gossman blessed and dedicated more than 60 parishes, schools and all-purpose buildings, most of them in his last 12 years. 

Read more:   http://www.dioceseofraleigh.org/news/view.aspx?id=2061

Woman you have great faith

I have taken classes with the University of Dayton for the Diocese and really enjoy the learning opportunities they provide. This article I thought was worth sharing with our group.

Year of Faith Article IV: 

Woman you have great faith. Your daughter is healed.

And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district (Tyre and Sidon) came and called out, "Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David! My daughter is tormented by a demon." But he did not say a word in answer to her. His disciples came and asked him, "Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us"...But the woman came and did him homage, saying, "Lord, help me."... Then Jesus said to her in reply, "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish."And her daughter was healed from that hour. Matthew 15: 21-28 (NAB)


Please note that this is a shortened version. It will be helpful to read the whole periscope of chapter 15 which is filled with traditions, healings and miracles.


Now, don’t you just love these Disciples of Christ? They are forever sending people away from him! Remember the little children who came for blessings? (Mk. 10:13-16). In fact, Christ chided them for sending the little ones away and embraced and blessed the children. What is with those who seem to think they are closest to Christ? Instead of pleading on behalf of the obviously worried woman who was asking a favor for her child, they were ready to send her packing because... hmm... (you fill in the blank!)
I love the woman’s steadfastness. She stood her ground and rather than engage in a battle with the disciples, paid homage to Christ, the King of kings. Not only that, she pleaded again, "Lord, help me." Three simple words - how often do we remember to go before the Lord with these words, "Lord, help me"?
See, sometimes, it pays to be steadfast even if we do not get the answers we seek. Christ had of course heard the Canaanite woman’s plea for help. She was not even asking for herself. That is how strong her faith was. She was asking for help for her daughter, despite the fact that Canaanites in those days were not friends of the Jews. She was not afraid to be seen asking the "King of the Jews" for a favor.

We can learn a few things from this story:

1. Jesus loves each one of us. It does not matter our heritage; after all are we not made in his image and likeness? I wish humanity will remember this fact.

2. The disciples, like some modern day evangelists will place impediments in your way - but, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and do not let your faith waiver. After all, they too are followers and make mistakes just like you and I do.

3. There is no need to argue...just go straight to the master healer. Christ sees our hearts and knows our thoughts. He loves us; that is the heart of the matter.

4. Be bold! Ask on behalf of friends and family. The more you intercede for others, the more you grow closer to God. Why? You tend to forget your own problems when your focus is on helping others - psychologists attest to this fact.

5. Pay homage to Christ and no one else. Remember the first commandment - ah, you thought I was going to write it down, huh? Nope! Go and do some research; it will your do heart some good!

6. If your parents are alive, thank them over and over again for the many times they sought help on your behalf. They felt no shame or humiliation. They just did it out of love for you. Remember, there is only one commandment with a promise. This time, I will write it down - "honor your father and mother so that your days may be long." (Exodus 20:12, Deut. 5:16, Ephesians 6:1-3).

7. If you are a parent and your child has gone wayward, do not give up. Prayers work wonders. Keep interceding on behalf of your children even if you think they do not deserve your love. Wait a minute - can we ask God for favors if we bear grudges against others?

8. "Lord, help me." Let this be your mantra. The Canaanite woman placed all her trust in the Lord. This is a sign of complete abandonment and humility. Be humble enough to realize you cannot solve all your problems. Jeremiah reminds us in Lamentations 3:22 that, the "steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end..." How beautiful, how reassuring, how loving. Don’t you love this wonderful God who never ceases to be merciful? I do, I love him so.

9. "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish." It is all about faith, isn’t it? How I will love to hear these words from Our Lord on my last day on earth! "Great is your faith!" Recall how many times Christ healed people because of their faith. Faith matters, faith in God matters. Hold on to your faith like it is all you have. Well, it is all we have really.

10. Be thankful. Be grateful to God for all the blessings you have received and are yet to receive. Count your blessings, for the God we serve is a God of miracles and love!


Author:
Dorothy Mensah-Aggrey, MA
Administrative Specialist-Curriculum Design & Adult Catechesis
University of Dayton
Institute for Pastoral Initiatives
Note: This is a series of articles that will be published periodically during the Year of Faith taking a different perspective on the biblical aspects of the Year of Faith.
Original Release Date: Jun. 2013