Saying Good-Bye – How do you do it?

Here at Holy Trinity good-bye has become a family event.  Sister Kieran has been preparing us for over two years for her leaving, which is now only 8 days away. 

We started with her award as Master Catechist of the year last year for the Diocese of Raleigh.  Many of the Diocesan staff was here with us celebrating her unique gifts used for the Glory of God.  For the first time she let us plan the entire event; granted we had Mary DiSano and Gerard Hall helping us along the way as we planned the Mass and reception that followed.  I was so pleased to see everyone work together for this celebration.  While it was Sister Kieran’s award; she was our pastoral administrator, we could not have been any prouder than her mother (who was able to attend) was that day.  I remember standing there watching different people hurrying around setting up the sacred space for the mass, setting up tables for the reception, decorating the tables, fixing foods from many different cultures, and realized this was the beginning of her last year with us. 

As I stood there watching the spiritual growth of Holy Trinity, I was deeply moved.  I couldn’t help but think back to another time; 13 years earlier, when I had tried to get this community of believers separated by culture and language to work together on another celebration and failed.  Thirteen years earlier we were losing our first pastoral administrator, Sister Betty Bullen.  Sister Betty and Sister Kieran are both Congregation of Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary from Scranton, PA and have been so very influential to the growth of Holy Trinity parishioners.  As much as we tried to come together as one church, we were still two very distinct communities sharing one Catholic Church building.  That doesn’t mean there weren’t a few on both sides that were reaching across the divide, learning to call each other by name, sharing their life stories and discovering how God’s love was so big as to embraced everyone.  Going away lunches, dinners, socials were held; just not with the whole church.  I felt such a failure for not being able to convince my Holy Trinity family to come together as family to send our pastoral administrator off to her new assignment.  Thirteen years ago we weren’t ready to come together as one; even for someone everyone loved so much.  Know we did and do love Sister Betty, we look for her any time we go to Diocesan sponsored events; we hug her, embrace her and catch her up on the latest news of our families.  She will forever be a part of our lives. 

Not wanting to dwell on the past, I wondered how this pastoral administrator’s leaving would be different.  We had a little over a year to flesh out what we would do.  I started asking folks what did they want to do for Sister Kieran’s leaving, how did they want to mark the event?  I listened very closely; fearing a repeat of years earlier, prayed for guidance.   A community close to ours lost their pastoral administrator during this time and I watched them struggle with acceptance of a new person.  We had been through what they were going through and were able to help them realize that it would be okay.  Yes, it will be different but that is not a bad thing and allows for growth. 

Time moved by quickly, Sister Kieran kept encouraging and empowering everyone to make use of their gifts.  Teachers stepped up to take over teaching of the religious education classes; others were taking on the responsibility of grounds keeping, church and parish house cleaning, fund raising, the Caring House food pantry.  The ecumenical programs in the county were turned over to others (with well written detailed plans from previous years).  Sister Kieran began backing out of more and more things, leaving capable people in her place to carry on. 

There came a day when Sister Kieran and I were working on a project and we had taken a break.  “Sister Kieran, what would you like to see the parish do for your going away?” I asked her not very subtlety, as I am not known for beating around the bush.  With just a pause for a thought and a smile, she said, “Family fun day.”  She wanted a day where families came together, children played, good food was shared from all the different cultures of the parish, and everyone was there.  If you know Sister Kieran, you know this sounds just like her.  I wanted to give her that day but it would not be up to me; it would be up to the church families.  I could spread the word that these were her wishes, but . . .  well. . .  we would have to see what everyone else wanted to do.

Several people were willing to serve on a steering committee for the planning of this event.  Others had different ideals of what this day should be.  I cannot say I was not disappointed; I listened, took it to prayer and decided to follow Sister Kieran’s lead and empower others.  The Senior Ladies group of the church planned a very nice Open House at the Parish Home and invited the community.  The Ladies really out did themselves, the food and decorations were all wonderful, and there was a great turn out from the community to come by to wish Sister Kieran well.  Two Martin County Commissioners came by with a proclamation of thanks for all Sister Kieran has done for the county.  The day was a success.

Plans were still being worked on for the Family Fun Day.  Rose and Jie Linsangan, working with Jennifer and Edgar has put together a program of all the volunteers who agreed to perform for this day.  There were dancers, singers, chanted cheers , poems to read, and so many different kinds of food that were prepared.  One thing family events in the South are well known for is food and our parish family is no different, but I get ahead of the story.  I had been asked to be the driver for Sister Kieran for that day and to pick her up at an appointed time to make sure of her arrival time.  I had arrived at the church at 8:30 that morning to help finish setting up and watched all the many practices that were going on. 

Time flew and I was soon sent to pick up Sister Kieran and bring her to the church with instructions to drive slowly on the return drive.  As I pulled up on to the church property, we both were surprised at the number of cars there.  I dropped Sister Kieran at the front door where Jie was waiting for her; all these cars and not a single person to be seen or heard.  Jie stood talking with Sister as I parked and then motioned for me to go in front of them and knock on the church doors.  As I did, Gene Tranbarger opened one door and motioned for me to open the other door as Sister stepped up the steps.  There inside the church stood over a hundred parishioners lining the aisle all the way to the sanctuary waiting to embrace Sister Kieran as she entered.  She stood there on the steps, so over whelmed, tears flowing.  I turned to look from her to all my brothers and sisters standing there silently, patiently waiting for her to move.  She stepped through the church doors and was embraced by each in turn. 

Later as I was carrying Sister Kieran home after a long day, she said that moment at the door is one she will always remember.  She went on to say she felt so loved and held by everyone as she walked up the aisle getting and giving many hugs with tears flowing from men and women alike.  I will always remember as I stood at that door that day, watching and experiencing all of this, I was filled and overflowing with the knowledge that God was truly in His House with us that day. 

For the rest of the day’s stories, you will have to ask Sister Kieran; after all it was her day.  All I will say now is that my church family made me extremely proud of how much they have grown in their faith and how well everyone worked together to make this sending of a pastoral administrator on to another job a day that will be remembered with warmth, compassion, laughter and love for many many years to come by this humble servant of Holy Trinity.