Writing
Exercises
§ Write two
or three paragraphs about an intense time in your family: an illness, accident,
or death; a relocation, a divorce, a time of great discovery (doesn’t have to
be a negative experience). Write this as you remember it.
This past month, September
17, to be exact my brother-in-law passed away in Virginia Beach, VA. We have sacrificed to make the trip up to see
him several times before this fateful day; we being my husband, his sister and
his brother and myself. My husband comes
from a family of seven and while three have already passed on; he has lost one
brother eleven years ago, a niece, brother-in-law and sister-in law in the last
five or six years I did not want him to feel as if he didn’t do everything he
could to visit this brother who lived out of state. When my brother-in-laws’s wife called to say
the home health nursing care they had was recommending calling in hospice; we
left the very next day to be there, show our support for her, and let him know
he was loved.
The two and half hour ride
up was a bonding time for these remaining family members. While one brother is recovering from a stroke
earlier this year and admittedly is not the same person they grew up with,
there was no thought of not including him on these trips north. Stories were shared from their growing up
years, their own families as they married and had children of their own, their difficulties
of losing their spouses and parents. The return trip allowed us the time to reminisce
about those who had already passed over and how they could best help this
brother’s family go through these last days together without regret or anger
taking over. Memories, thoughts,
troubles were shared but sometimes the silence was accepted without tension as
each was lost in their own thoughts over the impending death of another family
member.
Friday, September 20, 2013
dawned bright, warm and rushed. Eleven
family members gathered at the sister’s house to travel north together to the
funeral of the eldest son. One car carried
the remain living children of John Thurman and Fronnie Mae Hardison, another
car carried the spouse and children of Donnie Hardison, a brother who passed on
already, and the last car carried the children and their spouses of one of the
remaining brothers, Danny Ray Hardison. The time spent driving north this time was
filled with talk of how is she (the newly widowed sister-in-law) doing, how are
his children handling losing their father, and words of appreciation were
spoken for the previous trips up they had taken together. Knowing
the day was going to be hard for it is never easy to lose a loved one no matter
the distance in miles or time, these three gathered strength from each other. The decision was made on the way up to take a
back seat to the children of their brother for their hurt would take longer to
heal; after all they had spent time with their brother and had been able to say
everything they wanted to say on the earlier trips up to see him.
Now, write about that same
intense time—only try to write it from the perspective of another family
member—a parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, cousin, etc.
I have been sick for a long
time now, or at least it seems like a long time to me. I was lucky in that I had time to prepare for
I was able to look Death in the eye and know it was coming. Eleven years ago I watched my brother die from
cancer. Death for him was quick and took
him in a matter of months. My daughter’s
fight was longer. I lost her to a drug
overdose recently and as much as I wanted to be there in the end for her, I
couldn’t. Physically, I just couldn’t do
it, my body was already weak and I admit I was too afraid to face Death that
close up. I know others think I failed her but they just
don’t know everything. That story will
only be finished when I stand with her before God. Now my brother, he knew how to do this dying
thing right. When he was told Death was
coming for him, he went out and made all his arrangements. I am trying to follow in his footsteps and do
the same thing. I have spent time making
sure everything is taken care of, that I am taken care of the way I want it to
be. This way there can be no fighting
over how it happens as It will happen my way.
It, Death that one thing I cannot control in my life. I have tried so hard over the years, started
several businesses, lost several businesses.
I never gave up; I would pick myself up and start all over again. I was taught if you worked hard enough you
could have everything you wanted. I
might not have had everything I wanted but I sure gave it a good try and I
think I made a good life for me and Bev and the kids.
I set up home health care
so as my time gets shorter, I have help.
I do not want to go to the hospital; I wasn’t born in one and I sure as
hell don’t want to die in one. My
brother, Donnie, and my brother-in-law, Charlie, died at home and I want to die
at home too. Besides in the hospital
they just drug you up so you don’t know what is going on day in and day
out. I want to see the sun come up and
go down. If I want to set up and watch
TV all night and eat fried chicken then I don’t want some doctor telling me I what
I can or cannot do. Who in the hell do
they think they are anyway, I’m the one paying them to take care of me. This time has been an unexpected gift I am
not use to having. Sun comes up has always
meant time to get up and get to work.
This quiet time with my wife has allowed us to talk everything out; all
the what ifs, could have been, should have been, we have brought them all out
in the open and made our peace with them.
Wish I could do the same with the kids.
Oh they come and visit but I cannot bring myself to tell them about the
regrets in my life. Or the times I am
sorry. I don’t know if I would have
changed anything about my life. There
are things I wished ended differently but I don’t think I would have done them
any differently even if I knew .
Bev tells me the nurse says
it is time to call hospice in. Hospice,
well I guess that means my time is getting closer to the end. Always knew I would lose in the end just didn’t
think it would happen this soon. I know
I am dying now; my sister and brothers have walked in. They live down home where I was born and
raised and couldn’t wait to get away from. I use to say the only way I would go back
home was when I died and was buried there; hope they don’t mind that Bev and I decided
on something different.
* * *
It was good to see my
family today. They even took a picture,
probably the last picture that will ever be taken of the four of us and we are
holding hands. We haven’t done that
since we were…well I don’t know if we ever did that. When you see that picture you will know what
I think of this whole dying business.
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